I’m not that lazy, but I don’t need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life.
Karl Pilkington
Being honest with you, it’s not the ‘great’ wall of China. It’s an all right wall. It’s the ‘All Right Wall of China.’
Karl Pilkington
People who live in a glass house have to answer the door.
Karl Pilkington
I’d rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave.
Karl Pilkington
The other day I was thinking – because I get a lot of headaches – I was wondering whether the head should be where it is. Because, at the end of the day, it’s probably the heaviest part of your body, right? And yet it’s at the top as opposed to, I don’t, dangling at the bottom somewhere.
Karl Pilkington
A slug is always on its own. It’s a lonely insect.
Karl Pilkington
People say if bees die out, the world would end, apparently. Now, I don’t know if that’s true, if that’s some bee enthusiast who managed to write a good document, and people believe this.
Karl Pilkington
I’m not a proper traveler. I don’t like to be challenged or have too much of a change and prefer a week away just to relax.
Karl Pilkington
I’ve never understood the ‘things to do before you die’ idea. If I was ill, I’d be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin.
Karl Pilkington
We’ll all die out eventually. Humans will be gone. And all I’m saying is, when people worry about polar bears disappearing or whatever, it’s like, ‘Well that’s life, things will come and go, we’ll find new species.’
Karl Pilkington
It’s not easy keeping a diary. You have to be pretty committed.
Karl Pilkington
At the end of the day, teachers aren’t going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, ’cause it was never gonna happen. We can’t all be brainy, can we? That’s just the way the world is.
Karl Pilkington
I sometimes wonder how we’re short of cod. There’s gonna be a load deep down that are hiding. But it’s a good reason to put the price up, and it means a load of people will have haddock. They should tell people they’re running out of all sorts. Make ’em panic a bit.
Karl Pilkington
I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla’s just sat there doing nowt.
Karl Pilkington
I’ve never thought about it before, but I suppose bad people might need someone to pray to, too.
Karl Pilkington
If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That’s well documented.
Karl Pilkington
The reason I did the book about holidays is that you’re a different person on holiday. You’re sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, knocking about with people you’ve never met and for 10 days you’re someone else. You’re out of your comfortable zone.
Karl Pilkington
Everyone is living for everyone else now. They’re doing stuff so they can tell other people about it. I don’t get all that social media stuff, I’ve always got other things I want to do – odd jobs around the house. No one wants to hear about that.
Karl Pilkington
I’m not invited to any exciting parties and my life hasn’t really changed.
Karl Pilkington
I really can’t believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand.
Karl Pilkington
They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn’t anything else drown it out at the time?
Karl Pilkington
Chinese people age overnight.
Karl Pilkington
I think it’s a problem when something’s a dream because it’ll never live up to your expectations. It’s better to go somewhere thinking it’ll be horrible, and then be pleasantly surprised.
Karl Pilkington
Getting old is better than being young. You can do what you want to do.
Karl Pilkington
I found that being with happy positive people annoys me.
Karl Pilkington
I think it’s mental to pay for water. Where is that water coming from? Are they in the hills puttin’ it into bottles when years ago it used to roll down and go into the lakes?
Karl Pilkington
People eat duck and you think, well, we’ve got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone!
Karl Pilkington
That’s the problem with having a bald head. It exaggerates the shape.
Karl Pilkington
And we’ve got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding.
Karl Pilkington
I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn’t wait to get off the stage.
Karl Pilkington
Me mum used to always have the radio on – even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames that reason for me not doing that well at school – constant noise, really.
Karl Pilkington
I’ve got loads of nieces and nephews.
Karl Pilkington
Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone.
Karl Pilkington
I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that’s all you can do in life, really.
Karl Pilkington
Comedy’s really subjective, you know; that’s why it’s so hard.
Karl Pilkington
I don’t want to go about offending people; that’s not my plan.
Karl Pilkington
I’ve never won many awards, I didn’t get certificates for swimming or anything.
Karl Pilkington
I say have the night and give people the awards, but why do people want to watch people win awards? What are they getting out of it? I don’t quite get it. Because they have awards all the time; there’s awards for butchers, the best meat served, but they don’t televise it. I don’t know why they do it for films or TV programs.
Karl Pilkington
I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I’m not great.
Karl Pilkington
I love nature – it’s probably my most favorite thing. I don’t watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that’s in there.
Karl Pilkington
People who live in glass houses… have to answer the door.
Karl Pilkington
For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see.
Karl Pilkington
Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive.
Karl Pilkington
People always tell me I’m going to regret not having kids. But what if I have one and then I regret having it? Has anyone thought of that option?
Karl Pilkington
I don’t really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere.
Karl Pilkington
To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don’t need any spoiling or looking after.
Karl Pilkington
I’ve never worried about life’s big questions.
Karl Pilkington
We should all love animals.
Karl Pilkington
All fame is is having people you don’t know coming up to you and saying, ‘Hello.’ I’m always polite and people are always nice, but it’s weird.
Karl Pilkington
It would be spiteful to put a Jellyfish in a trifle.
Karl Pilkington
When you’ve been on a programme called ‘An Idiot Abroad’ job offers aren’t exactly flying in.
Karl Pilkington
You know, when you’re a producer, you’re a bit of a lackey. You’re just making cups of tea and making sure they’ve got newspaper, stuff like that.
Karl Pilkington